You melted my heart, now, you froze my heart.
Each time my heart skipped a beat, you made it cooled and calm.
It wasn't the end for yesterday.
You made it stop. Completely.

I wish my heart could continue live for you, could continue beating for you.
For you, your smiles, your crap, your laughter, and your nonsense.

This time, I'm devastated. Not each time I'm the inferior, I gotta listen to you,
I gotta react to your commands.
I gotta listen to your every advice.
And not each time, you are right.

You could stand in your own shoes and understand yourself; expecting us to compromise.
Why not you yourself stand in our shoes, to experience all the shit you are giving to us?

I'm your closest, every morning when you wake up, you see me.
Every night before you sink into deep dreams, you see me.
why me whom you execute into tantrums?

I simply do not understand.
I do not understand why I could absorb your tantrums again and again,
But just a slight unwilling and short reply, you gotta make a big fuss out of it.

Please dear wen, I'm willing to give up everything just for you.
Though it might sound fairytale, it might sound mighty.
I just do it willingly from the bottom of my heart.

You won't know when I'm down at heart.
Neither will you know when I'm raining tears.

But I just want you to know how important you are,
How much I Love You.

-Deb

for once in my life, I felt secured and blissful. Nothing have I done to force myself to get into a relationship. I've longed so much for my true love, for my one and only, worthed working hard to live on and despatch myself to another half, and that's low wei wen.

This man right here, he's simple. He would give in his all to the one he loves and cared nothing about his losses or anything else.

And this guy over here, I know him through one of my friend and it was sweet of him to fetch me from yishun to jurong. And when I texted to say loads of thank you, he said, he only did it for me.. Though he's one who always does all the sweet talking, but i still believe he gives his heart wholeheartedly. (:

To him, I love you.

i havent seen ken&nicole for the past few days.
it wasnt a torture not able to meet ken, but in fact it was a period for me to rejuvenate my feelings for him once again.
ive thought through, that no matter how tough it's gonna be, i'll still stick to it.
i dnt wanna be someone who gives up so easily.

and yesterday, i came back to panjang and see nicole.
i tell you the most touching scene.
was that, she ran out and "call" out of my presence.
she practically misses my presence for the past few days!
she ran even faster than me and followed whereever i went.
i commanded her to come, she'll come, i told her to go, she'll go..
because she usually wasnt like that.. (:
i'm so fucking touched by her actions..

aside from nicole, lets come to talk abt ken.
he was sooo happy to see that i've come.
he couldnt stop smiling and laughing at himself.. (:
this kinda happiness is cannot be purchased by $$.
this night was my happiest night. (:

recently have been catching up alot with my pri sch mates!

mahjong session, sentosa etc.
was supposed to pool someday, but have yet for all to be available!
it's kind of bored not working now, am looking forward to working life again, before i start going to school probably next year?

mann, halloween party with kenny and guys this coming sat.
frankly speaking, it's gonna be my first time celebrating it.
seriously, i didnt think of celebrating it at all!
ha. :D
though it's kind of noob, but, ya.

just brought this little girl down for a walk and poo poo.
when i proposed to bring her down, she was excited till she was gonna bark!
ha. :D
caught some pictures of her.













































she's adorable right! (:
i'm going to timah later, the guys are playing billard.
and the girls are left abandoned.

it was a havoc day.
SAT.
went sentosa with my primary school mates when it was pouring damn heavily at jurong.
just had the urge of taking a cab down, but i found it pointless, i'll still gotta take the monorail from vivo down. so i was like, "forget it, waste money."
in the end, i took bus, train and monorail down to sentosa, siloso beach.
gathered with my mates after so much hassle of calls and smses; couldnt even search the souls of them!
didnt want to sun-tan at all, but the sun just appeared like that, and i didnt apply sun block lotion. so there goes my skin.
played volleyball etc, and saw chen han wei with his large group of guy friends.
we didnt really cared at all cos it's a common scene at siloso beach.

had a bath after that and i had to rush back home to celebrate my dad's birthday, 10-10-09.
brought my family and ken to steamboat at bukit timah.
the food there was really fantastic.
EAT-ALL-YOU-CAN.
a great deal.

headed down to st james to celebrate tian quan's birthday.
they drank and drank and drank.
so, many of them lost their minds, whereas i didnt, because i didnt even had a single sip!
wanted to join my pri mates at powerhouse, but it was so damn pack.
"forget it."
yea, 4/5 of the group were drunk, and all of us headed back home at around 4 plus?
yea.
we were shagged out, there goes the next afternoon, spent on sleeping. (:

photos were uploaded in fb if you guys want them.
chaos.

i simply dont understand ken tee chai huat.
i dont understand why we seldom have time tgt, be it having more time tgt to understand each other more, or go out to slack etc. we just cant have it.
i dnt understand why we just cant communicate and have common interests.
things you can do, i cant.
things i make mistake, you said i cant and shouldn't, but yet you can and you have all the reasons to back it up.
what i joke, c'mon, people, just laugh at me.

now i realised that life is full of regrets. really full of regrets.
past few months, past two years, there're so many opportunities for me and i gave them up.
be it "super-nice-guys" or working opportunities, i missed them.

i've been walking the wrong pathway, i realised, yet, i still chose to continue.
please tell me, whether i'm really stupid or i'm too a smart aleck to be?

i am lost, and i just want to follow the tempo of your desire.
but i just cant keep up the footsteps of your life.
i have adjusted to your life, but you have changed your pathway too fast that i cant keep them up.

i dont know if i'm too into this relationship or i'm just used to you.
but whatever it is, i do know over thousands over multiples that I LOVE YOU, TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY.
but i really do not know what you are thinking.
i really do not you if you really loved me before, or now you're just taking me as a companion.
whenever you want me to be there, i'll be there (cos i'm always there).
because i simply cant feel any part of you being my bf.

you have always been telling people in front of them that you want to marry me la, you want to buy me gifts and stuffs just that you didnt have the finance to buy.
now, i just keep thinking that you didnt even have the heart to buy gifts at all, and you didnt intend to marry me at all in the future.
because you bloody hell dont know what you want.
you are just, the fact, taking a step at a time and see how things goes, and not planned for things.
you are waiting for things to happen.
everything "wonderful" and things which "sounded nice" are just for a show.

haha, now, i really find it a joke.
i find this relationship a joke, i find you a joke. i find us being tgt a joke.

seriously, i dont feel you being my partner at all.
yes, i felt before, but that was a short period of time of a few weeks, practically speaking was only apply to the period before you woo-ed me.
after i became your "burden", you changed totally.
actions, showing concern, loving me, things to tell me that everything was all right, changes totally.
from bad to worse, from worse to worst.

i can even have nightmare of you, you and only you.
why? and whats happening?
i'm so lack of sense of security.
i'm so lack of your concern telling me,
"with me, everything is gonna be alright."
and giving me a hug and a kiss on my forehead assuring me each word you said is true.

nothing of these happened before.
i cant even remember the happy times we were together.
now.
how are we going to walk down the aisle together?
i HIGHLY doubt so.

think about it again.
how am i going to tell myself.
"I WILL SURVIVE."

i just suddenly remember the past me.
how bitchy i was to relationship.
but that wasnt just my fault.
there's was a cause and consequences.
):

but i do remember how dear and i went to cineleisure one fine night and watch movie.
after that, he cabbed me back to amk.
how sweet was he..
during the movie, how sweet was he to try to hold my hands..
memories are so sweet to remember and recall.
because they just melts my heart.

all i want now is just to earn more money and save them up for my marriage.
no matter who i marry to, i'll still hold on to the thin hope that i could have very own house, my very own car, my very own sweet caring husband. (:

hahahaha. now gonna be back to facebook and play bejewled blitz though i've been playing for hours! ((x

sitting in this cold and lonely showroom,
i just want to find things to do.
had breakfast, and i'm feeling tired and unwell now.
noodles i ate was full of oil and unhealthy contents.

facing the four walls of the room, i just wanna fall aslp.
but boss is here! on a off-in-lieu holiday. ):
manager isnt here, so i was lucky that i was being nagged at for my lateness.

this coming fri! yes! it's e day of my destiny.
just wonder if it could go smoothly.
irene isnt going with me cos di ah pek said it isnt suitable for her.
told her to stay in car trade.
tmr i need to go home and get my O level's cert etc.
it's troublesome, but i dont care!
need to find it asap, cos actually, i forgot where i've placed all my certs!
hope my mom didnt take it as rubbish and threw it away.

none of my relatives know that i'm going for audition for silkair.
how am i going to explain to them my absence from singapore when i'm away?? haha. :D
i guess by the time i'll tell them.

now i cant be bothered whether i've time for everyone else but just concentrate on work and increase my savings!
cant imagine how my life's gonna be in the future.
because, i dont know if my dear will let go of this relationship between us due to lesser time tgt.
i really dont know, neither do i dare to even think! )x

but as ive said, i just wanna concentrate on saving money for house, car, and family. (:
perhaps it's a better goal??

i dont know, but i'll just try. (:

Crew
6 August
SimTianLai, My Love.

taiwan trip
CAR
iPHONE
CHANEL Chance
COACH Bag
Burberry Bag
My Boyfriend

i had learnt not to believe in LIES.

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