.Friday, October 02, 2009 ' 6:20 PM
i simply dont understand
ken tee chai huat.
i dont understand why we seldom have time tgt, be it having more time tgt to understand each other more, or go out to slack etc. we just cant have it.
i dnt understand why we just cant communicate and have common interests.
things you can do, i cant.
things i make mistake, you said i cant and shouldn't, but yet you can and you have all the reasons to back it up.
what i joke, c'mon, people,
just laugh at me.
now i realised that life is full of regrets. really full of regrets.
past few months, past two years, there're so many opportunities for me and i gave them up.
be it
"super-nice-guys" or working opportunities, i missed them.
i've been walking the wrong pathway, i realised, yet, i still chose to continue.
please tell me, whether i'm really stupid or i'm too a smart aleck to be?
i am lost, and i just want to follow the tempo of your desire.but i just cant keep up the footsteps of your life.
i have adjusted to your life, but you have changed your pathway too fast that i cant keep them up.
i dont know if i'm too into this relationship or i'm just used to you.
but whatever it is, i do know over thousands over multiples that
I LOVE YOU, TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY.but i really do not know what you are thinking.
i really do not you if you really loved me before, or now you're just taking me as a companion.
whenever you want me to be there, i'll be there (cos i'm always there).
because i simply
cant feel any part of you being my bf.
you have always been telling people in front of them that you want to
marry me la, you want to
buy me gifts and stuffs just that you didnt have the finance to buy.
now, i just keep thinking that you didnt even have the heart to buy gifts at all, and you didnt intend to marry me at all in the future.
because you bloody hell dont know what you want.
you are just, the fact, taking a step at a time and see how things goes, and not planned for things.
you are waiting for things to happen.
everything "wonderful" and things which "sounded nice" are just for a show.haha, now, i really find it a joke.
i find this relationship a joke, i find you a joke. i find us being tgt a joke.
seriously, i dont feel you being my partner at all.
yes, i felt before, but that was a short period of time of a few weeks, practically speaking was only apply to the period before you woo-ed me.
after i became your "
burden", you changed totally.
actions, showing concern, loving me, things to tell me that everything was all right, changes totally.
from bad to worse, from worse to worst.
i can even have nightmare of you, you and only you.
why? and whats happening?
i'm so lack of sense of security.
i'm so lack of your concern telling me,
"with me, everything is gonna be alright."and giving me a hug and a kiss on my forehead assuring me each word you said is true.nothing of these happened before.
i cant even remember the happy times we were together.
now.
how are we going to walk down the aisle together?
i
HIGHLY doubt so.
think about it again.
how am i going to tell myself.
"I WILL SURVIVE."